Twists and Turns
by spaceheater09
Summary: Edward and Bella are high school sweethearts in love but the trials of an unplanned pregnancy tore them apart. Will they ever find there way back to eachother? Five years after Bella ran away from Forks they are reunited. But Bella has a very big suprise.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing involving Twilight.

Thanks for the beta from Whitlock Slash Whore. Who did an amazing job!

If you read please please please reveiw! Enjoy!

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Twists and Turns

I remember that day as clearly as they come.

Every look, every movement was foreshadowing the inevitable end for us. If someone were to ask me what the definite turning point in my life was, I wouldn't say high school graduation or getting accepted into Harvard medical school. I'd say a day five years ago.

It started the same as every other day; waking up with my girlfriend of five years and my best friend. She was my reason to live. That day changed us forever.

We were driving to Port Angeles for a movie, because it was the first day of summer. We both had just graduated from Forks high school and we were ecstatic. We were in my Dad's rarely driven Aston Martin. He had decided that we could have it for the day, as a reward for both of us being accepted into Dartmouth recently. I was talking away about something of absolute no importance, when I noticed the awful look on Bella's face.

Her hand was on her forehead while her other hand was braced against the dash. She had a light sheen of sweat covering her face. She looked as though she was about to blow chunks. I slowed down, remembering how she often told me that I drove like a lunatic. I was hoping that's all this was. But as she looked over at me wide eyed, I immediately knew that I needed to pull over to the side of the road. She opened her door and puked up our breakfast from this morning. I rubbed her back and pulled her hair out of her face, trying to be as helpful as possible. She eventually finished, having nothing left in her stomach to dispose of. I fished a napkin out of the glove box for her, which she took gratefully then laid her head back against the seat.

"Are you okay baby?" I asked as I ran my hand down her face.

She shook her head no as a silent tear fell down her face. I started freaking out asking how much pain she was in, if we needed to go to the hospital.

Of course it must have been bad she was crying. She just shook her head and started crying harder. Completely at a loss of what to do, I grabbed her and pulled her in my lap and let her cry. I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew obviously right now what she needed was to cry. I thought maybe she was upset about graduating. I knew some people got emotional about that, but Bella hadn't expressed any concern for our departure in the fall; honestly, she seemed just as happy as I was to get out of this town. I racked my brain for any cause of her distress.

I thought maybe it was because her mother didn't show up yesterday for graduation. She had cried a little bit during the ceremony as she sat searching the crowd for her mother's familiar face. That had to be it. I couldn't blame her; my parents were constantly there for everything. Every baseball game, every piano concert, it didn't matter. Anything I did, they were present like parents should be.

The sobs finally stopped rocking her body and she looked up at me with her large brown eyes. Her eyes were like brown pools of emotion. You could tell from across the room what she was feeling just by looking into her eyes. Right now I saw fear and sadness.

"Edward.....I'm late." She half blurted half sobbed. Once again letting the tears fall down her face. I took my thumb and wiped her tears, having no idea what she was talking about.

"No we aren't sweetie, the movie isn't until three. We have plenty of time. What a silly reason to get upset." I looked at her lovingly, still wiping the wayward tears and rubbing her back as she sat in my lap like she often did. She shook her head and leaned back so she could get a better look at me. Then she sighed and stuck her thumb in her mouth to bite on like she always did when she was nervous.

"No, no, no! I mean I'm late as in, my period is late. Two weeks to be exact." My smile fell and I just stared at her. This really couldn't be happening. No... There was no way in hell Bella was pregnant. We always used condoms. Well sometimes, there had been that time after prom and then my birthday. Son of a bitch.

Without saying a word I sat Bella in her seat, buckled her up and got back on the road towards Forks. I drove like a bat out of hell trying to get to a convenient store for a pregnancy test. Finally the Forks General came into sight. I sped into a parking space hoping like hell I didn't make Bella sick again with my insane driving. But as I looked at her she didn't look sick; just nervous, still biting her thumb.

I got out and practically ran inside. The clerk greeted me, but I couldn't even look up as I was on a mission.

I wandered around getting completely fucking frustrated. I had no damn clue where pregnancy tests were. I eventually found them with all the other disgusting womanly items. There were about twenty selections. I finally said fuck it and bought them all. I brought them over to the clerk, my arms spilling over with pee sticks. He looked at me like I was a jackass, to which I glared back. He got the message... Thankfully, and rang them up. I handed him a hundred dollar bill and left. I didn't need to wait on his ass to find change. Bella looked at me with cautious round eyes as I got into the car.

I started it up and laid the bag in her lap. She immediately pulled one out and started reading the back. I was speeding so damn fast to my house that we got there in less than five minutes. I thanked God as no one seemed to be there. Our long driveway was completely deserted. I stopped the car and went to open Bella's door. She looked up at me with such love as I did so; I had to think that everything would be okay. Bella couldn't be pregnant.

We made our way upstairs to my room. Bella silently went into my adjoining bathroom without a word. Come to think of it, we hadn't spoken since she muttered that devastating sentence. I waited on my bed, my knee bouncing furiously. I wondered what the hell was taking her so long. She had been in there five minutes! When the door finally opened my nerves went on high. Bella didn't look happy. Her eyes showed fear again and resignation. In her hands she held up two tests, one with two little blue lines and another with a word that would stick in my brain forever. Pregnant.

I sat there in complete and utter shock, just staring at her with huge eyes. I couldn't even form a coherent thought, really. Just looking at it and going over every scenario in my head.

Bella was still crying but had calmed down a considerable amount compared to me. I finally came to a thought. What did those little lines mean? Maybe that one was negative and she was like only half pregnant or some crap. That must be it, thank God there is light at the end of the tunnel.

"What do those lines mean?" my voice sounded way too excited given the circumstances.

"They mean pregnant, Edward. I've taken four tests everyone is positive." She walked over and plopped down on the bed next to me and placed her hand on my bouncing knee.

She looked up at me with her eyes pleading for me to understand. "I'm pregnant." She announced. I thought about this for about five minutes. I don't know how a day that started out so normal could turn out this way. I didn't understand how I hadn't noticed her missing period. Bella and I practically lived together. Everything had just been so stressful with graduation. This just couldn't be happening.

"What do you mean you took four? I must have bought at least twenty! Take them all! You could be like a false positive or some shit." My light was slowly going out. All the hope left in me draining from that one little word.

"They'll say the same thing. There isn't such thing as a false positive, these things are ninety-nine point nine percent effective. No matter how many I take they will all be positive." She was completely submissive.

She leaned back on the bed and closed her eyes, waiting for me to process what this meant in my head. I knew that at this moment in my life I couldn't have a child. It had nothing to do with Bella. Honestly I had thought about having children with her maybe a million times. But right now, we were set to go to an Ivy League school in less than two months. Our whole lives were just beginning. If we had a child all of that would end. There wouldn't be a Dartmouth, hell there might not even be college. I would undoubtedly have to get a full time job while Bella would be stuck at home with an infant. And we'd never leave Forks. My father would be so disappointed in us. He always said I was the smart child, the reasonable one, though compared to Alice; a four-year old was mature. Bella and I always got so much praise for what a healthy relationship we had. Could our relationship take this? I knew that deep down the one thing in my life I could never loose was her. But could we survive the late night feedings and constant crying? Never even having a young adulthood, this was obviously a mistake. No way were two eight-teen year olds meant to bring a child into the world. This mistake needed to be fixed, I just knew it.

"Um...uh...I know there is a clinic in Port Angeles, for us to uh... you know. I don't think this is right, Bella. We have our whole lives ahead of us and this will undoubtedly end it!" I didn't look at her as I said this. I didn't know what was going through her head. I was hoping to God she was thinking rationally, and the hormones hadn't taken over. She rose up from the bed, glaring fiercely at me.

"You've thought about it all of five God damn minutes, and you're sure I need to run off to some clinic and right our wrongs?!" her eyes were extremely angry as the tears flowed freely down her cheeks. She turned away from me as I tried to touch her hand and wiped her cheeks. She walked into the bathroom briskly and slammed the door.

Well that didn't go as I had planned. She was obviously not thinking with her head. This child would be the end of absolutely everything. I got up and walked to the door and knocked, with no answer.

"Bella, you really aren't proposing to keep it! You're not thinking clearly!" I yelled through the door. She swung the door open looking extremely enraged. Her face turned a shade of red that meant Bella was extremely pissed off. She hated when I told her what she thought or how she felt. I didn't really mean to. I was just a naturally controlling person. She was glaring at me like she wanted to rip me limb from limb. I always got almost amused when she got angry because no matter the emotion, Bella would be crying.

She wore all of her emotions right on her sleeve. That was one of the reasons I always loved her. And always will.

"I'm not proposing anything; I just don't think it's rational to jump to conclusions after five minutes of thinking about it. You're acting completely insensitive about this."

"You're being overly sensitive and attached to it." My eyes went wide when I heard what I just said. I needed something to recover quickly.

"Get a grip on yourself Bella. We'll figure this out, I promise." I wrapped my arms around her small form. She still looked infuriated with me but she let me hold her. Whenever we were in each others arms, everything was right in the world. She wiped her snotty nose on my shirt; something she knew I hated. I deep sighed and she looked up at me with her full lips and smirked. Yes, with everything in me, I had to hope we'd get through this.

Bella went home from my house early that night, saying she didn't feel well. She usually spent the night. I did a little research on the Internet for the clinic I had heard about. It was pretty self explanatory. They'd perform a pregnancy test, and then from there we'd decide what needed to be done. And what I knew needed to be done was an abortion.

Bella wasn't an extremely religious person, so I didn't understand her strong objection, it wasn't a child yet. It was, after all, just an embryo. In the bigger picture, it was a complete mistake. I couldn't take a chance on something ruining us. We had our whole lives planned. We'd go to college at Dartmouth together. We had already signed a lease for a lavish apartment with the help of a small donation from Carlisle. Then after that, medical school for me and grad school for her. She was going to be a wonderful writer. Then after that, I always hoped for marriage. Where did a kid fit into any of that? I just couldn't imagine my life stuck in Forks. I don't know how my parents ever enjoyed this town. But this town brought me and Bella together, and that's all that mattered.

I shut down the lap-top and climbed into bed. It felt cold and empty without her there. I knew that without her, that that's how my life would feel. I had never existed without Bella. She had been my very best friend since the first day of kindergarten. One day in eighth grade, it blossomed into something so much more.

We had waited till junior year to have sex because we wanted to be ready. And look where it got us, I guess we should've waited till we were thirty.

I kicked my legs and twisted in the covers. I tossed and turned till finally I fell into restless sleep. I dreamt of what life would be like without Bella, and how I would navigate my way through, in other words; a complete nightmare.

The next week was like walking on ice. Every time I mentioned the impending pregnancy or what we were going to do, Bella would close up and not talk to me.

Finally, after about two days of the same routine I stopped bringing it up, hoping that Bella was coming to the right conclusion. In actuality I was just putting in the back of my mind for the moment. Other than that we were fine, as long as no one mentioned the giant elephant in the room. But every morning when Bella would puke her guts out, it was kind of hard to ignore. But she would still stealthily sneak back into bed as if nothing was going on. Real life caught up with us eventually, like it always seemed to do.

I had just gone and checked the mail when I noticed two very large packets from Dartmouth. I picked them up excitedly at first before realizing that I may not get this dream. After all my work through high school to make sure I kept up with my grades, or idiotic clubs and baseball just to make sure I'd have a chance, I was about to loose it all.

In that moment I snapped. I was tired of her not telling what was going on. I was tired of walking on egg shells. I needed to know, what the next step in our lives was. I rounded the corner to the living room where she was sitting on the couch watching TV. I laid the packets next to her silently and stared back at her waiting. She knew what I needed to know. She looked back at me with guilty eyes. Her hair was still damp from our shower and she was wearing my clothes. I could hardly keep my stern face on with her sitting there looking as perfect as she did.

She picked hers up slowly and opened it, examining all the little brochures on our selected majors. Tears started to well up in her eyes as she looked at the packets. She gazed back up at me before they really started falling. Her face showed pure devastation.

"Bella, I need to know. You won't talk to me. I have no idea what your even thinking. But the truth is we are set to leave for college in two months. A college that's across the country and not one we can balance a child with. I need to know what's happening." I couldn't look at her as she sat there and cried over what was a month ago the happiest thing we thought could happen to us.

All of this finally coming to head was making it hard to breathe. Suddenly the room was spinning and it was burning up. I didn't need to hear her say it. It was in her face, she wanted to keep it. And all of my dreams, my whole life was coming to a close.

I ran to the bathroom to empty my stomach, and after I had finished I just sat there. I didn't know why this was happening. I didn't know why that out of all my friends who had unprotected sex I was the one to get my girlfriend pregnant. I didn't understand it and I guess I never would.

She came into the bathroom and sat next to me on the rug and held my hand. "I can't get rid of the baby, Edward. I don't know what this means for us, but I have to go through with it or I'll never forgive myself." I nodded my head up and down, feeling my own tears well up in my eyes. I had only cried once in front of Bella. It was when my grandfather died. But right now something inside me was dying for me to do so now. My entire perfectly planned out life. I wiped my tears away sniffing and trying to make the stupid things stop. They just kept coming.

"Please tell me what you're thinking." She said as she idly played with my hair.

"What do you think I'm thinking, Bella? If this is what you feel you need to do, then I'll do it. But you've kind of made it perfectly clear you don't want my opinion." I snapped.

"I want your opinion. I just thought maybe you'd warm up to the idea over time. You know." She played with her hands in her lap, fidgeting nervously.

"How can I warm up to this? I told you what I wanted, but I understand, I promise. It's just hard. I've had my whole life planned for seven years. And now that it's not happening, I'm just a little crushed to be honest." I knew I said too much.

Bella was sensitive and would immediately take everything as her fault. I raised my hand and wiped her face. She leaned into my hand lovingly. Shortly after that we went to my room and to bed. I couldn't sleep again. I tossed and turned with no prevail. Finally I got up and grabbed my lap top to go down stairs. I took one more look at Bella. She was fast sleep and snoring lightly.

I stroked her cheek softly before getting up and going to the living room. I got a glass of water and a bag of chips, hoping I didn't wake anyone. But when I sat on the couch all I saw was my name staring back at me from the Dartmouth packet. I deep sighed knowing that I should just throw it away.

They were utterly useless. I'm sure Carlisle had already paid the tuition for us both. Bella tried to sound as though she'd figure out a way for her to go without their help, but in the end she needed it. They had helped raise her after Renee left. I wondered if there was anyway he could get it back. I deep sighed and turned it over breaking the seal.

I took out all the shiny brochures looking at them one by one.

_Congratulations Edward Cullen, and welcome to the Pre-Med program._

That sentence alone was enough to make the frustrated tears come. My God, was I the one pregnant? Each brochure was different, all of the information regarding orientation and living situations. I can imagine that if everything hadn't been happening, we would have been elated over this. I finally took the cursed things and threw them across the room. Everything I had ever wanted was being taken. I wasn't ready to grow up. That's what this all boiled down to.

I hit my fist up against the wall letting loose some of the frustration I had been harboring for the past week. And I let the traitor tears fall freely. I fell to the ground with an exaggerated huff. I hung my head in my hands for I don't know how long.

I heard light foot steps in the hallway. I looked up to find my baby sister fully dressed at three in the morning. She stared at me, surprised, before taking in my appearance.

"What's wrong with you?" she somewhat slurred. She was defiantly drunk. God only knows where she had been. My parents were blessed with such outstanding children, I thought with sarcasm.

"I think you should go to bed before you vomit all over mother's Van Gough." I said with extreme bitterness.

I wanted her to leave me alone I wasn't ready to divulge our secret with anyone quite yet. And I was still crying like a two-year old, which wasn't my proudest moment.

"Stop being an ass, I'm fine. Now once again, what's wrong? You're crying." She raised her tiny hand up and pointed at my face. She began to come closer to me, which caused me to take a step back.

"Fuck, I am not. Can you please just go? I'll be okay, it's nothing too major." I made a dark chuckle at the end. This wasn't major at all, just the utter ruins my life had become.

"You're ridiculous. Talk to me." She crossed her arms across her chest, insinuating that she wasn't going anywhere till she got something out of me.

"Bella's pregnant and she decided today that she was keeping it." I blurted and threw my hands in the air in defeat.

I looked up at Alice, to see her eyes ready to pop out of her head. And then she did the best thing for the moment. She wrapped her arms around me, which didn't even come to my sternum and hugged. I wrapped my arms slowly around her and just stood there. I missed my sister. I felt like I had hardly seen her since she got into high school, which is funny because we went to same school. She looked up at me with her pale blue eyes.

"It'll be okay. I know it" and gave a tiny smile. And at that moment I honestly thought that everything would.

The next morning I woke up to Bella scurrying around my room getting dressed. Her hair was still wet sitting on top of her head in a messy bun.

"What are you doing awake at..?" I searched for a clock, before locating it. "Eight thirty, dear Lord what's wrong with you?" My voice sounded scratchy and tired as I had only been asleep for two hours.

Bella turned around to face me, with determination set into her face. She was wearing one of my old baseball jerseys' and her blue jeans, with her overnight bag thrown across her back. She set the bag down and came and sat next to me on the bed.

"I'm going to go to the clinic, and get this taken care of." She swallowed deeply when she had finished. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After all of this, she was just going to go?

"Bella, no. If this isn't what you want then don't do it. We'll figure stuff out, I promise. Just give me some time. I'll be okay with this." She cut me off mid sentence with a kiss to my lips.

"I'm sure. This is the right decision. I'll be okay. I love you." And she rose off the bed.

"Wait a minute! I'll go with you. There is no reason in Hell you're going alone." I started getting up and rubbing my eyes to wake myself up. And they stung like a mother, from all my late night crying.

"No, I want to go alone. I need to go alone. I don't want to hurt your feelings but I have to do this alone." She gave me a sad smile. I knew from experience that she had her mind made up and there wasn't anything I could to do to change it. She came back over to me and leaned down and kissed me.

It felt like she was giving it all she had. I felt such love and passion in the kiss and something else that I couldn't quite place. I had to hope that it'd be okay. She said she'd be back at four. She was just about to leave when something occurred to me.

"You can't drive home. If you won't let me go, then who's going to take you?"

"I called Angela to pick me up when it's done. She works in the area." She nodded her head.

"Why can't we do this together?" I asked, and watched as she hung her head and looked at me.

"I just need to do this without you, please." She pleaded.

"Okay." I said defeated, and then she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! thank you if you reveiwed or added me to your favorites! i hope everyone enjoys the story! it shouldnt be this long in between chapters next time!

Whitlock slash whore-thank u so much for being an amzing beta you really do a great job!

I don't own anything twilight!

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Chapter 2

Edwards past: Part 2

I got up shortly after Bella left, feeling completely anxious. I thought that when she muttered those words to me I would feel relieved, but right now, all I could feel was anxiety. I honestly didn't think Bella wanted to do this. She had a week to think about it and didn't change her mind in the least.

What had changed? I was afraid the things I said to her had changed her mind. How could I have been so stupid?

Nothing seemed right. I finally gave in to my feelings and found my phone to call her. There's no way could she already be there. I pushed her speed dial number.

It rang.... and rang …. Finally went to voice mail.

What the Fuck? I was shaking with an unknown feeling. It was as if all of a sudden I had a sixth sense. Everything about this morning was wrong. The look in her eyes was detached. Bella's eyes were never detached; her emotions were always on the surface. And that kiss. Something was so wrong. I could feel it in my bones. I tried her cell again, only to be greeted with her voice mail. I finally left one, asking her to please call me back, it was urgent. I did not know what to do. I couldn't imagine just sitting here doing nothing. She had left about an hour and a half ago. That was plenty of time to get there, wasn't it?

At my ropes end, I tried her cell again.

"Hello, Bella's phone." The voice said

"Wait; Angela?" Was she so scared to talk to me that she put Angela on? What was happening?

"Yep it's me; Hey Edward, Bella left her phone in my car after I dropped her off at the book store, about ten minutes ago."

"Can you go back? It's urgent I talk to her. Please Ang?" Angela and her boyfriend Ben were our closet friends. We always had connected well with them, because they had been together since freshman year as well and didn't really get into the partying scene of high school.

"Edward I really wish I could but I'm already at work. My shift starts at ten. But she told me to pick her up when I get off at two. So I'll make sure to give her phone back and have her call you."

"Thanks Ang." I said, defeated.

"No problem. Bye." And with the click of the phone, my last chance was gone. I didn't know what I could do. Could I seriously just wait around until four? I didn't want Bella to do something she didn't want. And I knew that she didn't want an abortion. I didn't know what could have changed her mind or what I was supposed to do now. I attempted to call the clinic, but they said it was a breach of patient confidentiality to tell someone who wasn't related if she was there. I hung up, completely at a loss as of what to do. I should have made her let me go with her.

I should have never asked her to get it in the first place. I should have expressed that no matter what I thought about this, above all, I loved her. I'd walk through hell to have her. Dartmouth meant nothing without her. Life meant nothing without her.

I knew I was being over-dramatic, but deep down I knew something was brewing that would alter everything forever. I started to think about what life would be like if we actually had a child. I couldn't imagine it. I couldn't even begin to understand any of it. But Bella did. A few days after we found out, I caught Bella rubbing her stomach. At first, I thought she had a stomachache or something, but she had such an odd look on her face. I now could identify that look as love. After just receiving the knowledge of it being there, she loved it. Bella loved everyone. Everyone had good in them. She saw the world with such innocence and greatness, where I saw the world half-empty. There was always bad in people. I didn't know how I could be so fucking dumb. How could I have said those things? She saw the good in our situation; I only saw the bad.

I got up, threw on some clothes and went out my door. I was going to try like hell to get to her. I knew I was most likely too late. I passed my mom and sister in the kitchen, eating breakfast. They glanced my way and took in my exasperated appearance. They stopped eating and began staring at me. A flicker of knowledge went through Alice's face.

"Um...Mom, I forgot Edward asked me to go to breakfast with him this morning. You know... Sibling bonding and all." She gave a nervous chuckle.

"Oh okay, I'll just do that little bit of gardening by myself. Have fun you two." She gave another worried glance in my direction before waving us off. Alice was in cut offs and an old shirt. Something I'm sure she did not intend to wear out.

"You don't have to do this, Al," I turned to her in front of our door.

"First of all, I actually have no idea what the hell I'm doing. And second, I'm your sister. I know this whole family thinks I'm a complete fuck up, but I love you and I'm going to help you with whatever it is were in a hurry to do at ten in morning." She finished her speech with a step in front of me to open the door.

Alice didn't ask any questions for once. She simply found soothing songs on my iPod and stared straight ahead. I knew she did that to let me know that whatever was happening, that she was along for the ride. I thanked God for such a blessing.

I sped like nobody's business on the way there. We made it in less than hour. I realized once I went though the city limits sign that I didn't get a damn address on the place. I called information quickly to get the address, which made Alice look at me with a look of understanding. The clinic was on the other side of town. Port Angeles wasn't large, but it still would take considerable amount of time to get there. I ran red lights and cut people off. I got the bird probably fifty times, which Alice colorfully stuck right back out window. Leave it to her to be feisty.

We made it to the clinic, finally. I ran into the waiting room with Alice trailing behind me, her tiny legs trying desperately to keep up with my long ones. We hit the waiting room, and I scanned the crowded area for a familiar head of mahogany hair.

I didn't see her anywhere. I turned my attention to the front desk and started walking. Alice grabbed my arm. She shook her head fiercely and sent me a look that said 'let me do the talking, you look like a crazy person'. I nodded and threw my hands in the air. I didn't know how any of this became her business, but I admit I was thankful. Alice squared her shoulders and walked up to the front desk with confidence.

"Hi, I'm supposed to be picking Bella Swan up from her appointment. Can you please see when she will be done?" she asked in a pleasant voice. The receptionist did some typing on the computer with an annoyed expression.

"It says Miss. Swan has already left from her appointment." She sent Alice a suspicious glare.

"Oh...well when exactly did she leave?" Alice said, looking completely cool while I nervously ran my hands threw my hair. The receptionist deep sighed, and grabbed her phone and turned away from us. She mumbled a little over the phone then hung up and looked back at Alice once again.

"She left twenty minutes ago. Is there anything else?" she rolled her eyes. My god, this woman was rude.

"No, that's all" Alice turned to me with a detached expression, that clearly said "what now?" I felt the air leave my lungs. I crouched down and stuck my head in between my legs. I was too late.

After I collected myself to not collapse on to the waiting room floor, I decided the next step of action should be to go to where Angela worked. It was just about a block away.

We walked there to avoid the traffic. I thought for sure she'd be there, because she told me she'd be back at four and Angela said she was done at two. This meant Bella had planned on waiting until she got off. But when I entered the small restaurant, I could once again not find her anywhere. Alice went up to the host booth, to ask if we could see Angela. I looked in the two dining rooms. I even ventured into the ladies bathroom. She wasn't anywhere. Alice was waiting at the front of the restaurant with a horrible expression. I half-assed ran to her.

"What's going on?" I asked hurriedly

"The hostess said that Angela left with another girl about fifteen minutes ago. And she said the reason she left was because the girl came in crying hysterically, so the manager let her go." She turned her big pale blue eyes on mine.

I swallowed deeply, taking in what this meant. I nodded my head and headed out the door. I walked like a zombie. I knew that I had made a terrible mistake in telling Bella I didn't want to have it. She wanted it, and what mattered most was her happiness, not my own.

When we found the car, I contemplated letting Alice drive. I was ready to cry and curl up in a ball from the emotional exhaustion. But then I remembered Alice wasn't even sixteen yet. And my fathers face after there first driving lesson showed that she was not very good.

I climbed in my car and I could still smell the faintest hint of strawberries. Bella always would spray her body splash on before we went somewhere. Much to my chagrin. I remembered her doing it to annoy me a few weeks ago, spraying it everywhere. I'd do anything to see her smile again. All I could draw up in my mind was the look she had on her face when she left this morning. Completely void of emotion, completely without my Bella.

I drove slowly back to Forks. I knew that I was avoiding the aftermath of the incident. But I didn't want to see her eyes again like that. What if, because of me, I made her make the worst decision of her life? How could I ever live with myself?

Alice never spoke, I knew she didn't want to offer me empty apologies, or even try to understand what was going on. Because she couldn't, she was too young and immature to grasp the severity of this event. But once again, she knew that, so she sat silently, staring out the window.

When I crossed the city lines into Forks, I tried Bella's cell again. Now it didn't ring. It went straight to voice mail, signaling that she turned it off. It hurt me that she go to such extremes to avoid me. I tried to stop her this morning but she wouldn't listen. I guess I should have tried harder. I decided to drive by her house and see if her truck was there. But what I found was her house dark and untouched. Charlie wasn't home from work yet either.

With a feeling of acceptance of the day's happenings, I made my way home. I wondered if maybe Bella went there like she sad said, but something in me doubted it. I couldn't help but be disappointed when the driveway turned up to be empty. I parked the car, turned it off, and just looked straight ahead. All the feeling of hope had left me. I knew something significant was waiting. But I could hardly make myself get out of the car. Alice tapped me on the knee and let me be, climbing out and unlocking the front door. I sat in there for I don't know how long. There was a light breeze despite the fact that it was almost June. I felt myself chilling in my summer shorts. The feeling was welcome. I tried Bella's phone once again, to only be greeted with voice mail for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"Bella, it's me" I choked on the end, finally letting the hysteria of the situation settle over me. "I'm… uh, really starting to worry, please call me." I sucked in a large breath. "I don't know what else to say. I love you." I hung the phone up and laid it my lap. After about another fifteen minutes of wallowing in my own pity, I made my way out of the car and into the house. The last thing I wanted was my parents coming home to there son crying in his car.

When I went into the house, I could hear Alice in the kitchen talking in the phone to someone. I didn't listen long enough to find out whom. I just went into my room, locked the door and collapsed onto the bed. I didn't even turn my light on, so I didn't notice the piece of paper folded neatly on my bed. I picked it up in confusion. I went to my desk and turned on the lamp, to find my name written on an envelope in familiar messy handwriting. My heart stopped as I looked on to the letter. I had no idea what this meant. My hands were shaking as I opened the seal and my eyes fell upon her script.

_Edward,_

_I know by now that your probably worried sick about me. I want you to know that I'm fine. Well, I wouldn't say fine, but nothing is physically wrong with me. Emotionally is another story. You need to know that I went through with the procedure. You have nothing to worry about. I know you were right that it would have ended our lives. With that, I am in such a place I can't even think of going to college. Or doing much of anything....._

_I need to go away for a while. Actually I don't know how long is awhile, if it's not forever. I don't want to hurt you, but it seems inevitable given the situation. I can't stand to live along with life as if none of this ever happened. And if I had arrived back at your house at four, that's what I would've been doing. I would have been dismissing the fact that you and I, together made a life, and I destroyed it. I know that the choice I made was the right one, but I have to live with the consequences and I don't want you to. _

_Please understand that I don't blame you, that I will always love you. You will always be my heart. But I need to process where I am emotionally and I want you to have everything you have always planned on without me bringing you down. I want you to go and be an amazing doctor. I want you to have all in life that you want. I wish that I could just put this behind me and go on with life. But I can't, because this is something I can never just brush to the side. I know your thinking that I'm being irrational and your probably right, but now I don't know how to feel. And you don't need an emotionally wrecked person following you across the country. I wish things were different, but they aren't._

_I want you to remember everything before all of this happened. What we were like as children and teenagers. Every touch, every kiss we shared. I want you to know I'll never stop loving you, but I can't stay and not accept what my actions did to me. This isn't your fault, it is just the consequence of us not doing things right. I need to figure out who I am now, because I have definitely changed. Please, please, don't blame yourself. You will keep me going everyday. I'll remember your eyes and the fierce green that they would turn when you were passionate about something...or when you were looking at me. I love you so much. And I know that you should have the life that you were meant for. Even if that means I don't get to be there to see you through. Please, Edward, don't take the blame. I'm not who I was two weeks ago, and I need to find out what that means alone. I'm sorry I didn't tell you in person, but I knew that if I saw you, there would be no leaving. I'd fall into your arms even more of a mess, because even though I love you more than words can describe, you will always remind me of what I lost. I know that without a doubt__, our love is unbreakable and I'll never find someone like you again. But I want you to have everything in life, and I'm not sure if I'm the one for you any longer. _

_I hope life brings you wonderful things. I love you._

_Forever and always_

_Bella_

I stared paralyzed looking at the letter. I could feel the hot pricking tears beginning to well up in my eyes. But I couldn't look away. I couldn't help but see my entire life flash before my eyes. Because no matter what I had imagined before, it always had Bella in it. I placed the piece of paper back on my bed, and curled around it in the fetal position. She was in my room maybe twenty minutes before I was. I had missed her, I had missed everything. I'd never know what life as a father would be like. I'd never know what Bella would look like in her wedding dress. We'd never have a wedding day. What I failed to make Bella see was that life was nothing without her.

I wanted to crawl into a dark space and never resurface. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I realized in that moment that I'd take twenty kids to have her back. I smelt my sheets and I could still faintly smell her on them. I didn't know what I'd do when I couldn't anymore. It felt like her scent was everywhere Bella was the essence of everything good in my life. I think I heard somebody saying my name but I didn't want to look. I didn't care that I was crying a pool of wet tears on my mattress what I cared about was the note I was clasping too. I cared about the fact that this was the last things she said to me. And it was my entire fault...everything.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey everyone! if you added me to your favorites or alerts thank you so much! and if you reveiwed thank you so much!

Thank you to Whitlock slash whore for being an awesome beta!

I dont own anything twilight!

Im really sorry for the length of this chapter but i really wanted to finish up edwards past to get on to bellas! enjoy everyone and please reveiw!

* * *

Chapter 3

"Edward, please tell me what's happening! You're kind of scaring me." I heard Alice's soft voice. Somewhere in the middle of my breakdown, she had come in and was now sitting on the floor. She was rubbing my back and to my surprise, was crying herself. I handed her the letter. She took it from me slowly, as if it was a bomb. Which it was, the bomb that wrecked my life.

Alice was going to be crushed. She and Bella had always been close. Once Alice had gotten into high school, they somewhat grew apart but she was Alice's sister. That's what she was, our family. And she just left. She didn't just abandon me, she abandoned everyone. How was I going to explain this to my parents, God, how was I going to explain this to her father…? Wait, Bella surely did not leave without giving her father any notice. I rose off the bed and skidded by a weeping Alice, right out the door. Charlie had to tell me where she had gone. I was not going to give up.

I ran down the stairs taking two at a time, almost running over my mother.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she said with worried eyes. I could not look at her. I just could not face them yet. I got into my car and had to wipe my eyes roughly. They stung, and I could barely stand to keep them open.

I sped to her house, hoping I would be greeted with her truck. Hoping that the piece of crap would sit in her driveway. That she thought she made a mistake. That she wasn't leaving. That she wasn't throwing us away.

But when I arrived at her little white house, all I saw was an empty driveway. I parked and got out and ran to her door, hoping the spare key was where it always was. Maybe she left Charlie a condemning note as well, maybe there was a way. I got into her house and rushed to her kitchen, where they always left notes to each other, but the little dining table sat empty. I stood there hoping for a miracle, hoping for a way out of this.

She had fled the town she had lived in her whole life because of a decision I forced her into. I hadn't just ruined my life ,I had ruined hers, ours. I never thought Bella would leave her father all alone; I was surprised she even agreed to go to college. But the fact that she just left him with hardly any notice. I didn't believe it, I just couldn't. I ran up to her room, hoping for anything, that maybe she left something there. But when I got to her room, all I saw was empty drawers and an empty closet. Her bed was still made, only thing missing was the quilt her Gran made.

I sat down on her bed and let myself be absorbed in all her belongings. She didn't take any pictures. I wondered if she wanted to remember me. Did she hate me enough that she could forget how happy we were? Maybe all the stuff in the note was just for my benefit. Like a mad man, I stared going through each of her drawers, to make sure I hadn't missed anything. I kicked the dresser fiercely when I came up with nothing.

"She's gone, Edward." Charlie was standing in the doorway. He looked grim. He looked like me. This was my entire fault.

"I know." I said, barley a whisper. I ran my hands through my hair.

"Did she say-?" I let the question trail as I looked up at him, putting all my hope in that one question.

"No, I'm sorry. She didn't. She told me this afternoon that she was leaving." He ducked his head and swallowed deeply as though he was just coming to terms with it. "I honestly thought she'd back out, but from the looks of her bedroom, I was wrong." He leaned his head up against the doorframe and closed his eyes.

"No sir, I was wrong." I left Charlie's house that night without ever looking him in the eyes. I knew if I saw his eyes, I'd crumble faster than I already was, because his eyes were the color of Bella's.

****

In the following weeks, I destroyed everything that reminded me of Bella. I threw every article of clothing of hers in the trash. All our pictures were burned in my trashcan. My mother insisted on keeping all the family photos she was in, I don't know why. She wasn't coming back.

The truth was, in no way was I angry with Bella. I was infuriated with myself. Everything that I associated with her made me want to jump off a building. I won't lie in saying that sometimes I didn't contemplate just that. I was in so much pain, all because I lost her. And I was in so much pain for what I did. If I had just done things differently, she'd be here. But I couldn't change anything.

Alice told me multiple times that I should just try to find her. That I was simply giving up. But I didn't know where she could have gone. Her phone was disconnected shortly after it all happened. She went to such extreme measures to avoid all contact with me. I was sure she loathed me for what I had done.

After almost going mad from sitting in my room alone, I left and went to Bella's house. I felt so horrible for what I had done to Charlie in this as well. Bella was all he had. So I sat and watched him. Sometimes I prayed Bella would come rolling in her noisy truck to see him but she never did. But for some reason the hours I spent in front of her house were the highlight of my entire day. I felt like I could feel her there more than anywhere.

I watched him answer the phone one day and I almost jumped out of the car in hopes that it was her on the line. But he never showed one ounce of happiness in his face as he talked, always anger. So I just knew it couldn't be her. That he must be talking to someone at his office, annoyed at the fact he was being bothered. But it was the same every night, he'd talk on the phone for ten minutes, then sit in front of the TV with pizza and beer and go to sleep. Bella always had cooked for him; her whole face would light up when she cooked. It was one of the few things besides reading she enjoyed. And she was amazing at it, so unlike her mother. Renee would always make these horrendous dishes. And when she left, I remember Bella saying she missed the smell of burnt food. Bella started cooking for them shortly after her eleventh birthday because she had stomached the last pizza, she had said. The hours sitting in my car at her house was the hours I truly allowed myself to think about everything that had happened. To simply think of her and enjoy all the things we had together.

So every night I sat with Charlie, unbeknown to him. We were the two people Bella had abandoned. And after six weeks it became clear she wasn't coming back.

****

I sat staring at her window, looking at the yellow lace baby curtains. I always asked why she didn't just take them down. And she always said because her mom and dad decorated her nursery together, and when she looked at them she felt like she could see a semblance of when they were happy. I turned away from the window.

"Holy Shit!" I yelled. Charlie was standing at my window with a grin turning up his mustache. I rolled down my window, being completely mortified with the fact I had been caught.

"Evening ,Sir." He had always asked me to call him Charlie. But one night he caught Bella and I fooling-around on the couch and threw me out. Soon after that, I always called him sir. And he never offered to change it back.

"Edward, come inside, we should talk." And he turned on his heel and went back in the house. I noticed he left the front door open. I pulled the key out of the ignition and ran my hands threw my hair in nervousness. I didn't know what he wanted to speak about. I took a deep breath and got out.

When I came into the house, he was sitting at the table in the kitchen, over pizza and two beers. Charlie had never offered me a beer before. I sat down across from him and looked down, carefully avoiding his eyes.

"Take a piece and have a beer, kid." He said as he wiped his face clean of pizza sauce.

"You want me to have a beer?" I raised my eyebrows in question. He let out a manly chuckle and shook his head.

"Yeah, some how I think you need it more than anyone." I smiled lightly and opened the beer for a swig. I let the coolness run down my dry throat. I looked around the kitchen, noticing all the differences since Bella left. The floor no longer shined from her hard work. The sink was filled with coffee mugs and plates. And there were empty pizza boxes everywhere. I looked back to his face as he surveyed me. We were drifting into an awkward silence.

"What brought this on, sir?" I asked incommutably as I fiddled with the beer can.

"Well it's not like you haven't been sitting on my street for a month." My eyes grew wide at his admission. I quickly began to try to mumble something out. But he just waved his hands in forgiveness.

"It's fine, kid. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute about everything." He once again cleared his throat. "I've been speaking to Bella in the past weeks and you should know that she's adamant on not coming home. There is no reason for you to sit by my house waiting. She isn't coming back here." He avoided my face while he said this. But it wasn't anything I wasn't already sure of. But what surprised me was that he talked to her.

"Has she said where she is, Charlie, I mean, sir, I need to know! I need to see her, pleas-." He held his hand up, beckoning me to stop.

"She won't say where she's at. Were not really on amazing terms at the moment, but she calls every couple of days to tell me she is okay. But she isn't ever coming back to Forks. She has told me that numerous times." He deep sighed, took a drink of his beer, and then looked me directly in the eye. "What you're doing isn't healthy, kid. I've been left before I know exactly what turmoil you're going through. All the blame you're placing on yourself. But there isn't anything to be done once a person leaves. I'm sorry. But listen to me, you're too young to give up." He averted his gaze after that. He put another slice of pizza on my plate. "And please take better care of yourself. It looks like you haven't eaten in a month!" I took a large bite of pizza, trying to remember the last time I actually did eat. Charlie got up and slapped me on the back before going to the living room. After I ate the pizza, I went in there and watched the baseball game with him. We sat in silence for the most part, but it felt good to be with someone who understood. He never mentioned Bella again.

I stopped sitting in front of her house after that. I always went in every night and sat with him. We would always talk of small things. Never Bella. I knew he was hurting too. I could tell by the fact that the house's condition slowly got worse. I didn't know how to help him. I thought he'd be offended if I simply told him that she wasn't coming home to clean it. So I just kept my mouth shut.

Besides seeing Charlie, I kept myself locked in my room. My parents and Alice all tried to get me to participate in different things, but I just had no energy to pretend that I was okay. My dad opted just to give me space, while my mother and Alice were far more persistent. My mom didn't know what truly happened. Alice had actually kept her mouth shut. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her that it was my entire fault. I knew she missed Bella too. They had things that they did together as well. She was like their daughter and she abandon them too, all because of me.

I was sitting in my room, lying down like I always did when I heard her soft tap on the door.

"Hey sweetie, It's me. I brought you some lunch." She pushed her way into my room, through my clutter strewn all over the place. I had always been cleanly, I just no longer had the drive to do anything.

"Thanks" I raised up and took the sandwich and drink from her. She looked slowly around my room, taking in the disaster that it was in.

"I...um... wanted to talk to you." She cleared her throat and sat on the corner of my bed. I knew what this was about. She was trying to make me feel better. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it wouldn't work, that nothing would work, because nothing would bring her back.

"Edward, it's august seventh. You are supposed to be going to Dartmouth in two weeks at the latest. And I don't see how that is possible when you only leave the house to go and see Charlie." I stared at her blankly. I didn't know how so much time had passed. She had been gone since the last week of May. Bella and I had planned on going to Dartmouth a week ago to set up the apartment. How had two months passed? The very thought of going to that apartment without Bella made me sick. The very thought of coming home to an empty place every night almost made me throw up. I shook my head fiercely.

"I don't think I can do it, Mom." I swallowed deeply and ducked my head. "Not without her, anyways."

"Why Edward, she's the one who left you? No one will tell me what happened. Not you, not Alice. I don't know how to fix this if I don't know what happened." She got up from the bed and started picking up my dirty laundry in a crazy fit.

"Mom, there isn't any fixing it. It's done." I admitted, at a lost of what to do, so I simply sat there and watched her gather armful after armful of clothes and throw them into my hamper.

"Well, that's just too bad. You should be angry with her for leaving you. Not tearing your self apart." To my utter horrification, when she turned around, I saw tears streaming down her face.

"Mom. Please, stop."

"I hate her, Edward. I absolutely hate her for doing this to you. I haven't seen you smile in months and you won't even talk to me. I never thought I could hate her. She was so much a part of this family, but I hate her for hurting you like this. And she didn't even say goodbye." She kept cleaning in a fury. I finally got up, went to her and grabbed her by the arms.

"Mom, stop. You can't hate her. If you want to hate someone, hate me. It was my fault. All of this is my fault. Don't hate her, just hate me." I said to her. I didn't want her to think of Bella like that. Bella was a wonderful person and I was the wretched one who ruined everything.

"What Edward? What'd you do that was this awful, huh? Did you cheat on her? Did ya'll get into a fight?" She threw her hands up in the air.

"What?!"

"God Mom, Bella was pregnant, okay?" I scram back. " I told her to get an abortion and she left me. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you so desperately wanted me to talk to you about?" my mothers face fell and she just stood there, staring at me. My chest felt heavy at what I had just told her. I didn't want her to ever know that. I didn't want her to hate me too.

"What?" she said in a voice as soft as a whisper. I pulled her over to the bed, and sat her down. I then went and retrieved Bella's crumpled letter from my desk drawer and laid it in her lap. She looked down with tear brimmed eyes as she read. When she was done, she drew me into her arms and hugged me.

"Sweetie, no one should hate you. These things happen." She rubbed my head and then drew back to look in my eyes. "I'm sorry, Bella's right though. This wasn't just your fault. She decided in the end what had to be done, not you."

"Yeah but she wouldn't have done it if it weren't for me." I shook my head.

"But, like you said, you can't fix this. Even if Bella hadn't left, she still would have had issues with what happened. You have to know she did what she had to do. It isn't your entire fault ya'll aren't together anymore. You have to move on with your life." I was so tired of hearing that. People were acting like it had been a year, when it had been two god damn months since I lost everything. Give me a fucking minute to figure shit out.

"Mom, I'm not ready to move on from any of it. If you're talking about college, that's a lost cause. I'm not going to go and act like this shit didn't happen."

"I understand, but you have worked so hard to go there, honey. And you still have to worry about your future. You're just going to throw everything away." She wiped at her eyes. I knew she was just trying to understand. But with every word she hurt me more. I couldn't be expected to do this.

"No, mom. I'm not going." My mom patted my leg and left my room. I didn't care about what she had said. I had accepted fully that she wasn't coming back. I knew that now. All hope that I once had was completely gone now.

I worried every second about where she was at, what she was doing. Did she ever think of me, like I did her?

********

I hadn't thought what was going to happen long term. However, I just couldn't go to Dartmouth without her, it'd make everything worse. I couldn't imagine anything worse than what was happening to me right now. Because if I went, everyday I'd be reminded of everything that never was. Of all the chances I threw away, because of what I did to her. I had everything and now I have nothing. And that's exactly what I deserve.

********

Later that night, when Charlie and I were eating pizza and watching some sporting event on TV, He turned to me and abruptly turned it off. I wiped my face clean and stared back.

"Um...uh...your mom called me today." My eyes went wide at what he said. I kind of had figured that Charlie didn't know what happened because I figured that he had kicked my ass two months ago. I continued to stare at him anticipating his anger.

"Oh stop looking like I'm about to cut your balls off or something. I knew what happened when she left. My first instinct honestly was to kill you, but that night when I saw you in her room looking so guilt stricken I couldn't do anything but relate with you." I softend my posture, now that I knew he wasn't going to go all Sheriff on me. Charlie took a swig of beer and cleared his throat.

"I couldn't exactly be upset about something that happened to me eight-teen years ago. I understand probably more of what you're going through and what you went through than anyone. When um...uh Renee ..." He almost chocked on her name. Charlie hardly ever spoke of Renee. I think this was the first time he had said her name since she left him. He cleared his throat once more before continuing.

"As I was saying, when she got pregnant, she didn't want to have Bella. I honestly don't think she ever wanted either of us. I wanted her to keep it. I begged her to keep it. I offered to raise Bella by myself if she'd just have her. That was, um, actually the plan but in the end she stayed with us. I always thought she'd grow to love me in time because of how strongly I loved her. And for awhile it seemed she did. But when Bells was nine months old, she tried to leave and I wouldn't let her leave with Bella. We had a huge fight and she decided to stay. But it happened again when Bells was about seven, only worse. I mean she wasn't ever mother of the year. She was forgetful and somewhat childish in the way she acted but she tried and to me as long as she was trying it was okay. But she started going out continuously and I assume now stared running around on me. And we fought constantly and she basically blamed me for everything wrong in her life." To my utter surprise, Charlie's voice faltered and he rammed his thumbs in his eyes in hopes to not let me see the tears forming. I turned my head away, trying to let him collect himself without me staring. He finally seemed to gather himself before he continued.

"I was surprised that she stayed as long as she did. It still hurts because she was the only woman I ever loved and she never returned it. But Edward, the point is that Bella loved you. That she ran away because she loved you. And she would never want you to ruin everything you worked for because of her. She may have not been right, but it's what she decided, not you. What happened were the choices of two people, not one. I have wasted so much of my life trying to figure out what the hell I could have done differently to make Renee stay. It's an endless road of what ifs and it never ends. Bella left because she thought you both would be happier. I have never hated Renee, even in the beginning for what happened, because she did it to be happy. And that's what love is, putting someone else's happiness above your own. Bella did that for you, she left so you could put what happened behind you two, not for you to give everything up." I knew Charlie was right. Bella had said almost exactly that in her letter. She left me so I could be happy. But how could I be happy without her? How could she have thought that I could just go on with life without her? That that's what I truly wanted?

I nodded my head at Charlie and tried to gather my thoughts.

"I just can't sir; I just can't do it without her. This was what we worked for not just me. Where is she? Where is she going to college? Why am I the only one that's throwing everything away by not going? She threw it away when she left. We could have worked. We could have tried." I stared down at my hands, crossed in my lap.

"Edward, you didn't make the decision she did. And you have to move on because she isn't ever coming back." I looked at his sympathetic face. He was right; she wasn't ever coming back here, to him or me. I couldn't help but feel like Charlie was being hypocritical. Here he was, sitting in six week old pizza boxes and beer cans, and I'm the one in a bad place?

"Sir, with all due respect, your not handling this well either. You haven't cleaned in two months. We both are at our wits end, I'd say." Charlie looked around slowly, taking in the mess and let a long breath out.

"Yeah yeah, I'll clean if you try to go to that school."

"Somehow I think I'm getting the bigger project." I said, smiling.

"Yeah, well, you haven't seen the rest of the house." we both let out laughs and it almost felt foreign. I hadn't laughed in I don't know how long. Actually, I do. It was two months ago. The laughter died down and Charlie turned to me seriously.

"You need to go; you owe it to yourself and everyone who loves you, including Bella. Stop punishing yourself for something that is already done." Charlie got up and went into the kitchen after he said that, leaving me alone in his crowded living room with my thoughts. I looked around and saw the framed photos of Bella all around the house. He still even had Renee and his wedding picture on the mantle. The two people he loved most had left him. I still couldn't get away from the nagging feeling that Bella leaving was my entire fault. No matter what they said, I knew it was. But Charlie was trying; he tried to be a great father to Bella after Renee left and was now trying to help me after Bella left. The least I could do was try.

**********

The first year at Dartmouth came and went. I was an outstanding student and I got constant praise from all my professors, but they were the only ones who even knew my name. I never went anywhere or socialized in class. I went home for all the respected holidays, but besides that, I kept myself locked in my apartment.

When I had gone home, I had seen Charlie and he was still in the same state. He didn't look like he was trying at all, he looked like he was giving up. But I listened to his words anyways and kept trying.

But the time had come that I was dreading. Summer vacation, I knew the time would come where I had to return to Forks. Return to concerned faces and the absolute embarrassment of what transpired between Bella and me. I had just finished my last final for the day and I was stalling by cleaning my apartment spotless before I caught my flight. I was putting the final changes on my living room, when I heard loud screams from down the hall. Ugh...not them again.

I had actually never met my neighbors, but I should know enough about them. They fought like cats and dogs and were under the perception that the walls were a foot thick. I knew that two months ago he had come home drunk and with lipstick on his shirt. I knew that three months ago she had cheated on him with another man in there very apartment. Yes it was bad, like, bad. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship that dysfunctional.

The screams escalated and I heard something slam at my door. I ran to the door, hoping they weren't getting physical, to find a woman with wild strawberry blonde hair throwing suitcases around.

"Well, Fine Elezar, I'll find someone else. I hope you're fucking happy with Carmen. You'll never find someone as good as me. I'm the best you'll ever get." The man let out an evil chuckle and gathered more belongings in his hands.

"Seriously? You actually believe that shit you spout? Your so fucking full of yourself it's unbelievable Tanya. You're washed up. You and I both know that nobody wants you." The woman let out a hideous shriek and grabbed a large Louis Vuitton suitcase. Yes, I know who Louie Vuitton is. I did grow up with Alice.

They started fighting over the suitcase, arguing about whose it was. The man said it was his, that she gave it to him as gift. I sat there, about to close the door, as it seemed no one was getting hurt, when the man suddenly elbowed the girl in the face, and took the suitcase. Her nose started spewing blood everywhere. Shit.

"I think you need to leave, sir." I said in my most masculine voice.

"What the hell did you just say to me?" the man turned to look at me. I had been standing there for five minutes, and now they notice me?

"I said, you need to leave, or I'm going to go back into my apartment and call the police. Leave now and I won't." The girl had her hand covering her hurt nose but I could still detect a slight smirk on her face.

"What the fuck ever, I'm out." he threw the suitcase at the girl and stormed down the hall, to the elevators. I rushed to the girl's side, to have a look at her nose.

"Wow, it's broken. I need to drive you to the hospital, come on." I grabbed her arm to help her up, but she started weeping into my arm.

"Um Miss, are you alright?"

"No, it's just… I don't have health insurance, or enough money to go to the hospital." She shook her head and let go of my arm and steadied herself. "Do you really think it needs to be set? I always see people popping their noses back into place." She let out a nervous giggle.

"Um...uh that could really injure your bone structure." I thought about it for a minute. I thought about the monthly allowances Carlisle had been sending, that I hadn't touched except for groceries.

"I'll pay for it; I don't want you to cause permanent damage to your nose." I gave a tense smile. I felt incredibly awkward, but I couldn't just let the woman go without any type of examination. He had hit her pretty hard. It wouldn't sit right with me. Plus, I had no desire to sit for hours in a county hospital waiting room. She gave me huge smile and nodded her head. I helped her shove all of the forgotten belongings into her apartment and locked her door before we made it to my car.

"I'm Edward, by the way; I don't think we've been properly introduced." I said as I helped her into the passenger side.

"Oh, I'm Tanya. It's great to meet you." Her voice was velvety smooth. Her eyes were so light they looked almost white. Her wild strawberry hair hung in thick ringlets down her back. I couldn't help but notice that she was extremely attractive, even with a broken nose. But what I noticed most was that she was the absolute and complete opposite of everything Bella was.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi! sorry this took so long once again lol i really am going to get into a flow of things!

Thank you so much Kissa whitlock for being an absolutly fantastic beta. No matter how much is going on with you, you always seem to get the chapters done and do great job!

Thank you to anyone who reveiwed or added me last chapter! It means alot to me that ya'll like the story!

Reveiw please and enjoy!

* * *

Bella's Past

_Oh God, oh God, oh God,_ this could really not be happening. I stared down at the two little blue lines on the test in horror. This just isn't happening, I knew that by saying this I wasn't actually doing anything, except delaying the official shock of what this meant. Still, I kept repeating the same thing.

_This couldn't be happening._

I grabbed the pregnancy box to read the directions one last time. However, all I discovered were the facts.

I was pregnant.

I sat back on the toilet in Edwards's immaculately cleaned bathroom. The tears came with vigor. I dipped four more tests in the cup I had urinated in, just to be completely thorough with it. However, I knew, deep down that there was no point.

I was pregnant.

I felt like the walls were going to completely close in. I finally just laid down on his thick bathroom rug to sob. I didn't know how this happened. Well, honestly I did, it happened a month ago in the back of Edward's Volvo at the Forks high school prom. Well congrats Bella, you're officially a fuck up. How in the hell was I going to tell Charlie about this? Oh, Mary mother of Joseph, he was going to completely blame himself.

I think my father maybe had two sex talks with me after my mother left. They basically consisted of 'Don't have sex or you'll get pregnant' Fan-fucking-tastic. I was a smart girl, you'd think I could follow those simple instructions. But when you're in the back seat of the love of your life's car, with no condom, the horny teenager comes out with a vengeance and lands a life inside of you...

That's when it first happened. I realized there wasn't a thing in there, it was a baby. I climbed off the rug and looked in Edward's spotless mirror. I raised my shirt slowly to inspect my stomach. It still appeared to be completely flat. No small bump, just my stomach. But right now, there was a little tiny person growing. The thought almost knocked me over with it's significance. A baby...

Edward was, most likely, pacing outside of the door. He was giving me just enough space to sort through everything in my head. I'm sure he was jumping around, doing something to release his nerves. Edward was always nervous though. He was somewhat jumpy and anxious. I always marked it down to him needing everything absolutely perfect. And he worried a lot. But that was who he was and I loved him. I gathered enough courage to open the door, with tests still in my hands.

My eyes fell upon Edward, with his hair an absolute disaster from his pulling. His knee was bouncing like crazy. He looked up with saucer wide green eyes that were the color of peas. He stared at me with the same awful expression for what seemed like years. He swallowed and started to speak, then he would stop and try again. Finally, he found his words.

"What do those lines mean?" he looked at me like a dyeing man in the dessert and I was his glass of water. But I felt horrible with the realization I'd just have to throw it into his face, with the cold shock of reality.

"They mean pregnant, Edward. I've taken four tests and everyone is positive." I slowly came and sat down by him, in hopes that my presence would calm him down like it always seemed to do. I put my hand on his knee, because it always drove me insane when he did it and right now, I swore he was shaking the room. I looked into his scared eyes and told the truth.

"I'm pregnant."

He down cast his eyes away from my face and just slowly hung his head. I didn't really know what to say, or how to comfort him. The initial shock of this had already worn off of me. I didn't know exactly what would happen now.

A baby is inside me, growing and living. I tried to picture what our child would like. I could imagine it'd have Edward's crazy hair, the only person I'd seen spared in his family was Alice. Who got Carlisle's beautiful blonde hair, while Edward got Esme's strange colored hair? I wondered if it'd have my brown eyes or Edward's emeralds. I couldn't help but look over at Edward. Even in all his anguish he was still beautiful. I hoped our child would look exactly like him. As I was looking I also noticed how panicked he looked. His eyes were huge and he was just staring into space. Was he in shock?

"What do you mean you took four? I must have bought at least twenty! Take them all! You could be like a false positive or some shit." He said, his voice extremely panicked. His eyes were wide and he stared at me as if he was at his wits end. I couldn't help but be somewhat annoyed with him. I'm the one who just found out in nine damn months I'm going to have to push a fucking person out of me.

"They'll say the same thing. There isn't such thing as a false positive, these things are ninety-nine point nine percent effective. No matter how many I take they will all be positive." I looked up at him trying to keep my face understanding. I decided to just lie down and let him sort through this in his head. I was going to have a baby.

I was so incredibly scared but excited in some way. I didn't know what this meant for college but we could figure it out. We might need to stay in Forks a little longer. I don't think Charlie was ready for me to leave anyways. My whole life was about to change.

That thought brought me out of my baby-induced haze. Of all the things that was going to change. I felt my eyes become wide. I remembered all the things my mother use to complain about having children young. Never getting to go out with friends or never having a life to herself. I knew that I would experience all those same things but I would never abandon my child or make them feel unwanted. My mother had made me feel unwanted everyday of my life. She made me feel like I was the fault of her marriage not working because they never got to be alone. Edward and I would always work. I know this is going to be hard but we can figure it out.

I looked over at Edward to see him sitting completely still, staring off into space. I would have thought that by now he would have been comforting me already. That's how it always worked. I couldn't help but wish I could know what he was thinking because right now he just looked completely...terrified.

"Um...uh...I know there is a clinic in Port Angeles, for us to uh... you know. I don't think this is right, Bella. We have our whole lives ahead of us and this will undoubtedly end it!"

My breath caught in my throat as soon as I heard his words. I felt my eyes become blurry with tears. How could he think that? I felt my cheeks turn red with anger. He couldn't be so sure about something that just happened. This wasn't some decision to make lightly, this was our baby.

"You've thought about it all of five God damn minutes, and you're sure I need to run off to some clinic and right our wrongs?!" I yelled. He tried to reach out and touch me but I couldn't stand to look at him. I turned away, wiped my eyes, and headed for the bathroom. He had no idea what that would do to me.

I slammed the door and leaned up against it breathing heavily. The tears were coming in buckets as I thought about giving the baby up. I didn't know why I felt so strongly about becoming a mother. In actuality, I had never had much of an opinion on abortion. But with the realization that a baby was in me I couldn't just get rid of it. I'd never get rid of it; it'd be with me forever in my guilt.

"Bella, you really aren't proposing to keep it! You're not thinking clearly!" I heard his alarming voice through the door. How could he be so callous about my feelings in the matter? Just immediately telling me what I should do and think. I swung the door open to find his sparkling green eyes looking back at me. I was so angry with him I didn't even care about his terrified expression.

"I'm not proposing anything; I just don't think it's rational to jump to conclusions after five minutes of thinking about it. You're acting completely insensitive about this."

"You're being overly sensitive and attached to it." Edward yelled. I felt my eyes well up with tears at his hurtful comment. How could I not be attached to it? It's our baby. Edward got a shocked expression on his face when he realized what he had said.

"Get a grip on yourself Bella. We'll figure this out, I promise." He took me in his arms at that moment. And no matter how angry I was, I couldn't push him away I just wanted to feel him around me. I wanted to think that he was speaking the truth that this would all be okay but somewhere in me, I doubted it. His comments had left marks inside me threatening to scar already. How was I going to keep the two things that mattered most to me? I had to because I know I can't loose them.

I wiped my nose on Edward's shirt half out of spite considering it was one of his new Ralph Lauren T-shirts. He deep sighed, and I couldn't help but look into his beautiful green eyes. I loved him so much and never thought that anything could rival it but what was growing inside me right now could make everything I ever thought in my entire life completely wrong.

We stayed like that for five minutes just letting everything that had become this afternoon settle between us. I didn't want to fight with him. But I could tell in his anxious behavior that he was just as worried as ever. He was just clouding his emotions from me like he always tried to do. But what he didn't know is I could read him like a book.

"How about some dinner?" Edward offered, letting me go to grab my hand. I nodded my head in agreement.

"Yeah I am pretty hungry, as it is I'm eating for two." I said in a sarcastic tone but when I looked at Edward it was visible he didn't find anything funny in my comment. He looked like someone had punched him in the stomach. He faltered in his steps as he led me out of the room.

"Um...yea." was all he said.

We ate in silence in his empty kitchen. Everyone was gone. Alice was out doing god knew what while Carlisle and Esme were gone, like usual. Ever since Carlisle had been appointed head of surgery he had been gone non-stop. I knew it was making Esme mad, which is why she was in her studio outback, not to resurface till in the morning. I asked her why she slept out there when Carlisle was gone and she had explained;

"Because I feel so empty in that bed with out him there, that I'd rather be in my own space than in a room that is suppose to be ours." She never told either of her kids of the problems they were experiencing, but she told me, trusted me.

I couldn't help but cringe at how upset they'd be with us for getting pregnant. But I had to hope they'd come around. As I sat staring at Edward's stoic expression, I had to hope he would as well.

Shortly after that, I left, which was unusual. But I couldn't take seeing Edward's depressed face any longer. He wasn't acting at all like I had anticipated. Edward was always nervous and somewhat dramatic but tonight he just sat there, blank of all emotion. And it wasn't the comfortable silence we'd drift into occasionally. It was laced with all this unsaid tension that he was afraid to vocalize to me. That alone made me angry enough to leave. But I decided in the end maybe we just needed to be alone for a while.

As I crawled into my driveway in my noisy truck, I saw my Dad peek his head out in the window of the kitchen. I gave him a small wave before turning off my truck. We had always had a good relationship even after the trials of my mother leaving. We were so much alike and from what I heard my mom had always orbited somewhere around us never quite fitting in. But in my maturity, I've come to think the reason was she never wanted to.

"Hey Bells, your home early tonight. What's the occasion?" he said as he opened the front door, greeting me with a side hug.

I usually spent all my nights at Edward's, especially in the summer. But Charlie was always under the illusion that we slept in separate beds, which Esme and Carlisle use to enforce till they got so busy. But I know my dad is far smarter than to believe that his eighteen-year-old daughter doesn't have sex with her boyfriend of five years. He just chooses to not mention it. Hoping Esme had covered all those bases.

"Um, nothing, really." I knew I wasn't convincing. I was the worse liar in the world. My dad cocked an eyebrow at me, but kept quiet and led me into the living room. He sat down in his chair and just simply turned on the TV. I joined him as I always did and we just sat. He knew when I was ready to talk I would, and if I didn't it must not have been very important.

I felt the heaviness of today's happenings weighing on me. I felt like every time my dad gave me wayward look he was going to pop up from his recliner and yell that he knew all about it.

I knew my dad could tell I was nervous, so when he simply shut the TV off in the middle of an inning, I knew he had figured me out.

"Dad, I really don't think you wanna talk about this." I said while looking in my lap.

I bit my lip in nervousness. I hadn't had anyone to talk to about this, and although I had just found out a few hours ago, I was ready to burst. I always had someone to talk to about things between my dad and the Cullen's.

"Bells, if it wasn't important and you didn't want to talk to me about it you would have gone to bed by now or gotten a book, but the fact that you're just sitting there with this uptight expression lets me know something is wrong. Now tell me what's up, please?" I looked into his understanding eyes, thinking that he was in no way prepared for this. He would most likely spill beer everywhere, or turns a deep shade of red. He wasn't a big yeller, but he could if you got him riled up enough. But I knew deep down that no matter how he acted, that my dad loved me more than anything in the world.

"Daddy, I umm...well, you see…." I felt my throat close up and hands get sweaty. I couldn't do this. I couldn't.

_Buzz Buzz Buzz_

I jumped and yelled at the sounds of my phone vibrating on the coffee table. I stared at it as if it was a foreign object. I could not believe I was about to tell my father I was pregnant. He was going to die.

_Buzz Buzz Buzz_

"God, Bella. Answer it."

"Oh, right." He deep sighed and hung his head at my erratic behavior, before gathering his beer cans and leaving the room. I let out a breath that I hadn't known I was holding. I picked up the phone, already anticipating who it was.

"Hi, Alice."

"Hey Bells, um… I need a favor."

"Yeah yeah yeah where are you?" I said unsurprised. Once Alice entered high school this year, it became and ongoing thing of me leaving the house in the middle of the night to go and get her from strange places. The kids of Forks didn't have many creative places to get wasted, and they also had to keep there parents out of the know, which in a town this small can become pretty hard.

"Um...I'm at the reservation, Embry Call's house. Do you know where that is?" I knew exactly where it was. Charlie was good friends with quite a few of the people who lived there, so I had been there for different gatherings threw the years. I remember how my mother despised it.

"Yeah I know, keep your phone on so I can find you, okay?"

"Okay, I will. Thank you so much bye-," I noticed at the end that her words were incredibly slurred. but that was usually the case. I had been appointed the official Alice fetcher when I found her passed out on the Cullen's front lawn one morning, luckily before anyone else was awake. Apparently, she had gotten drunk at someone's house and they just dropped her off on the lawn, passed out. I was mortified. I told her that no matter where she was at, I'd get her if someone wasn't there to drive her home who hadn't been drinking. She had agreed, and it had become an ongoing occurrence. It was a good thing Edward slept like a log, or I would have never been able to.

I gathered my things, before going to the kitchen to tell Charlie. He was standing at the sink loading what little dishes were in the sink with his back to me.

"Alice, I presume?" he said in a joking tone.

"Yeah, you guessed it; I'll be right back. She's just at the reservation."

"M-kay, be careful."

"Alrighty" I said as I turned toward the door, grabbing my lighter jacket knowing that despite the month, it would be freezing. I was turning the lock in the door when I heard my dad's voice from in the kitchen.

"Oh and Bella ,were not done with what we were about to talk about tonight." My hand slipped on the doorknob, and I cursed myself mentally. There was surely no way to get out of my impending doom now.

I had been to Embry's numerous times so I knew the place. I had been here more than twice to get Alice. The kid's parents were constantly leaving for weeks at a time completely oblivious to the fact there children threw the best parties known around in Forks.

I could tell from my truck that the house was filled to the brim with people. I tried Alice's cell only to be greeted with the answering machine. Fuck. It had taken me five minutes to just find a damn parking spot. I laid my head back on the seat in defeat before I took the key out of the ignition and gave in to the fact I'd have to go in. I hated parties. I hated the loud music. I hated dancing. I hated all the sweaty people just there to get drunk. And most of all I hated that basically my baby sister had become one of them.

The house was what I had expected completely overrun with the young people of Forks. I was bumping into people just trying to look around for her. But it was futile I would never see anything it was like they fed the Quieltes steroids they were huge. Finally I saw a familiar face and almost pushed a girl into a table trying to get to him.

"Jake!" I yelled through the music his head swiveled around till he saw me waving furiously. I was stuck in between two large boys that I had no chance of moving and they were completely ignoring the fact I needed through. Jake's smile shown across the room as he walked over easily and bumped the guys in the shoulders before picking me up like a rag doll and carrying me out of the crowded living room.

"I thought you'd be coming soon. Good to see you how ya been?" Jake asked as he sat me down in the tiny hallway leading to the other rooms. I knew immediately where Alice must be.

"I've been okay ya know glad to be out of high school." I said walking in the direction I knew I needed to be going. Jake fell in easy step with me nodding his head.

"She's been in there for like twenty minutes and it doesn't sound pretty." I gave a hearty chuckle at that and shook my head. The truth is I had always liked Jake I had known him longer than I had known the Cullens but he was just a baby. Jake was Alice's age. But still he had always sometimes hung around with us when we came up to the beach or something.

"Don't worry I think I can handle myself."

I heard an awful noise coming from the bathroom. Jake grimaced before giving his final farewell leaving me to do the dirty work. I opened the door to the small bathroom slowly anticipating what I knew to see.

"Bella!" Alice said in her drunken stupor. She was sprawled out on the bathroom floor with her head in the toilet. Her pink mini-dress was stained with puke and alcohol. I deep sighed before closing the door.

Carlisle would be home in three hours expecting a nice little Alice tucked into bed. Not one that looked like a hooker at a truck-stop. Well a very nicely dressed hooker.

"Hi Alice." I said flat toned. Alice pouted as she looked at my expression.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked in her tiny voice looking at me all blonde hair and blue eyes. I got a towel out of the cupboard and wiped her mouth off. Before closing the lid and flushing the toilet.

"Of course not, now let's go." I draped her arm over my shoulder. As I knew she most likely couldn't walk well. She hung her head on my shoulder and giggled saying I smelt funny. To my surprise Jake had come back and waited outside of the door. With a grin he picked Alice up and commenced to carrying her to the truck. With Jake leading the way the crowd parted like the red sea.

****

I had gotten Alice into the house showered and somewhat sobered by three am. She was still a little drunk but not too bad. And she no longer smelt of tequila nor did she have dried puke in her hair. She was safely tucked in her bed looking so much like a little girl. I was tempted to climb in bed with her like I sometimes did but I knew that I hadn't really gotten enough time away from Edward to do that.

"Well I'm going to go. I'll see you later." I said as I patted her leg.

"Wait, you're not staying?" she looked up at me with hopeful eyes.

"No, I'm going to go home. I'll see you tomorrow sometime."

"What's wrong? You always stay!"

When Alice was sober she could be quite intuitive. Unlike her brother, who, in my opinion, could be quite dense in the things he neglected to notice.

"Alice, I really don't wanna get into it, it's all really complicated." I said with a dramatic huff. I wanted nothing more than to tell Alice what was going on.

"Come on, I can take it, it's just going to bug me like crazy till I know what's wrong."

"Well, Alice, you don't have to know everything." I said with a smirk. She was beyond nosey. But I loved her so much, and Alice was always happy about things. So I knew she wouldn't cry or yell. She'd most likely shriek or jump up and down. Because that was Alice.

"When it comes to my big sister, I do have to know everything! Now come on." She grabbed my hand. I was emotionally exhausted with the day. And all I wanted was someone to be happy about this.

"I'm pregnant." Alice's eyes got impossibly bigger before she leapt into my lap in a giant hug and kissed my cheek.

"I'm going to be an aunt. Eeeeeeeekkkk." I laughed and shrieked a little with her. It was the first time all day I had actually accepted just how happy I was about this.

I told Alice about everything. She had a smile glued to her face the entire time I talked except when I got to the part of how Edward had reacted.

"Well, he'll come around." She said as she patted my arm. I reached up and brushed off the few tears that I hadn't known I had shed. I told Alice goodnight. She gave me one last hug before relenting and letting me leave.

I made my way up the stairs to Edward's room. When I opened the door I found him sound asleep. I stared at him thinking just how much I loved him. I was just about to leave when I saw something on Edward's desk that made me stop cold in my tracks. I tip toed over to his desk to read in horror what he'd been researching.

_Port Angela's Family Planning Clinic._

My breath caught and I backed away from the desk as if it were a monster. I almost tripped on his chair. But I didn't care. I ran out of the house like a mad woman. Could he be serious about this?

I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I sped home. Luckily my house was just a few houses over or I would have never made it.

When I opened our squeaky front door tears were still streaming down my face. I closed it quietly to not wake Charlie. The TV was surprisingly still on so I started to walk over to turn it off.

"Bells, what are you doing?"

"Holy shit!" I yelled into the darkness. I heard my dad's soft laugh. I reached over and turned on the lamp, to find my dad in his uniform looking amused.

"Where are you going?" My voice was scratchy and raw from crying so much today. My dad cocked his head to the side and sat down on the recliner.

"Bella honey, what's wrong?" I swallowed back the tears and tried to cover up the emotional break down that was about to start, but I couldn't. I was just so………scared.

"Daddy......I'm pregnant."


End file.
